Panhandling

Oh dear. I'm in such a pickle.

After I was short with Enid the other day, the wheels of fate turned on me! How could things get so bad? Oh, mercy!

I got off work yesterday and all the tires were out in my car! Out of air! They weren't out of the car! They were there, but they were empty!

But I guess they'd still be empty if there was air in them, because like, an empty jar still has air in it.

But there wasn't enough air!

So I couldn't drive it home. I always thought that like, I might be able to if I took the tires off and then put the car on a railroad track and let the rims run along the tracks like they were train wheels, but that would get me hit by a TRAIN and that would ruin my awesome car!!

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND WHITEWALL TIRES!?

I drive a 1957 Chevy Caprice that I bought from an old man who was dying. It was really sad, but he sold it to me for really cheap.

Anyways, so I had to walk home, but home is like... a long way! I couldn't walk! I could call a cab, but I have no money! My feet would get tired! So I had to come up with something fast.

"Think, Kojiro!" I said, "THINK!"

Then I had it. I once saw a man playing a guitar and getting change from passersby. They'd drop it in his guitar case and then he would say to them, "God bless, you, man."

I don't have a guitar, and even if I did, I can't play a guitar, so I decided to just walk and sing. The walking part was so when I got enough money, the cab wouldn't have to take me far.

I don't know many songs, so I was making my own up:

"Look out lady,
You're about to step in gum!
It could ruin your day
And make your foot stick to the sidewalk!"

And:

"I'm walking home
My tires are all flat.
My feet are so tired
Can I bum a ride?"

NOBODY EVEN LOOKED AT ME! I didn't get any change at all, except for a bottle cap I found on the ground that I thought was a quarter. But it was just from a beer bottle. So I guess I didn't get any change. I used the word "except" earlier. That word has an important meaning.

The closest I came to getting any attention or any change was from a dog. This old woman in a fur coat had this crazy looking, mean little dog that kept BARKING. So I started singing to the dog.

"Cheer up little puppy dog
Life's not so bad.
Put a smile on your face
But you don't have lips
So try your best!"

The dog just got mad and bit me on the hand and the lady drug the dog away.

I walked all day and finally got home HOURS later.

What a rotten day.

I'll never raise my voice to Enid again!