I cannot believe...
Not for one single second...
That I forgot...
To update my blog...
SINCE JULY OF LAST YEAR!!
OH MY GOSH YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT EITHER! And it's a NIGHTMARE!
You guys out there that read this, you really do my heart a lot of good, and here I've been teasing you with news about how my date with Ramona went. I wouldn't blame you if you BURNED ME AT THE STAKE! That's the way justice was served out in OLDEN TIMES.
PLEASE! A last request!
LET ME SAY GOODBYE TO MY FAMILY!
Goodbye, Dad! Even though you're kind of a jerk, I love you!
Goodbye, Hotaru! You're the coolest sister ever!
FAREWELL FRIENDS!
Goodbye, Chuck! You've got a cool guitar and your hair always looks nice! Thanks for letting me borrow your shoes. I'm wearing them now AS I BURN!!
Goodbye, Enid! You were always really mean, but you were still my friend! I know you've got a heart in there somewhere! I'm kidding!
Goodbye, Stuart! It was a pleasure working with you, even though you teased me a lot!
Forty dollars! This is insane! It's a travesty! A crime!
BURN THEM AT THE STAKE TOO!
SAY GOODBYE!!
So I called the cable company and asked them what this charge was and they told me it was for my HIGH SPEED INTERNET!
It was then that I remembered I put my laptop under my bed so I wouldn't step on it when I got up in the morning and that at some point I forgot I even owned a laptop.
I had to play this cool, so I waited for Chuck to get home and I asked him if I could use his laptop. He asked me why I couldn't just use mine and I said I couldn't find it, because for one Chuck looked like he needed something to do and also because I didn't want to look like an idiot for forgetting that I owned a laptop that I bought WITH MY OWN MONEY.
After like AN HOUR of searching the house with me pretending I didn't know where my laptop was, we “found” it under my bed and I thanked Chuck for helping me.
It was then that I realized that I actually HAD lost the power cord for my laptop, so we spent another TWENTY MINUTES looking for that and then mysteriously found it in Enid's dresser along with some other stuff I left in her dresser while I was snooping around looking for Christmas presents.
I didn't want to know what she got ME. I wanted to know what she got CHUCK because she wouldn't tell me because the last three years in a row I've ruined the secret by letting it slip to Chuck and I wanted to see if I could trust myself, but I couldn't because I guess in this experiment of mine I just lost some of my stuff that would later be important and wasted part of an afternoon looking for stuff that I already knew where it was and stuff I accidentally hid from myself.
It's funny how stuff you do in December can come back to haunt you in February.
Oh, that's right! February. I found my computer and the cord for it in February, then started writing about the date I had with Ramona, and then got distracted when Enid wanted my help making banana bread for the stupid homeless shelter.
WEEKS LATER I return to my room and realize the light that's been keeping me awake at night is that cool 3D fish screen saver Hotaru got me for my birthday, except there's a shirt over the screen of my computer and I'd lost it AGAIN.
UNDER THE SHIRT
That shirt has a little guy on it that looks like a sort of green bearmonster, I guess.
He's the logo of a band called OBF that I listen to.
Chuck told me about them. He's in a band too. Called LOBSTAR. I think LOBSTAR is my favorite band.
So anyway, after I got all the computer stuff squared away, I started writing about Hotaru coming to visit me for Christmas, which was awesome.
My dad doesn't really celebrate Christmas, but I do since my friends do, so Hotaru always comes here for her winter break.
I guess there's not much to say since she was only here up through New Years and mostly she just got me a cool shirt that she made herself, which is what she usually gets me for Christmas. She also told me that she and Jacoby broke up, which is good because that means I don't have to BEAT UP A LITTLE KID but bad because she was sad about it.
I remember my first love. Her name was Bryndis and she and I went to the same elementary school. We held hands while we sat under the jungle gym and the other boys teased me but I DIDNT CARE IT WAS TRUE LOVE I TOLD THEM AND THATS SOMETHING THEY WILL NEVER KNOW!
It's too bad she broke up with me when she found out I hadn't gotten my COOTIES SHOT.
I bet she felt stupid a few years later when she realized COOTIES IS NOT AN ACTUAL DISEASE.
TOO LATE BRYNDIS! This ship has SAILED!
You had your shot and you BLEW IT!
This reminds me of something.
I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE I WENT ON A DATE WITH RAMONA
There were two big problems with our date.
First off, I lost the paper she gave me with her address on it, and all I could remember was the street name, so I found the street on a map that I found in Chuck's car and just drove my Vespa down that street until I saw a bunch of kids in stupid paper hats running around in a yard.
I brought a pan of lemon squares with me and hoped I was at the right place, mostly because I was running really late, but also because if these kids heard I was coming and they put on party hats to trick me into giving out my lemon squares, their trap had WORKED and they were about to go after me like STARVING DOGS.
You have to be really hungry to come up with a plan like that just to steal lemon squares from a guy.
I was about to give in and start demanding to speak to either Ramona or Damien to make sure that I hadn't been duped when I saw Ramona.
And that's it.
The next thing I knew it got darker and I was suddenly standing in front of the closed door of Ramona's house. My Vespa was behind me, running, and there was a bag sitting right where my feet would be able to hold it.
OH MY GOD I SPACED IT!
THE WHOLE DATE!!
LOST TO THE SEAS OF TIME AND MEMORY WHAT A TRAGEDY!!
This was the second problem with the date. I couldn't remember it.
What could I do from there? Knock on the door and ask her if she had a good time?
What if I had been a creep?
Oh man, this is bad.
She hasn't been in the bakery.
I wonder what's up...
Should I call her?
OKAY! Sorry, everyone. I'll update this more. I promise.
With my heart!
